Shortly after I'd been bamboozled into started this fence, it became clear to me that it was going to continue. Unfortunately for me, my mind, like a cow, is a "machine.". (Dag nab it...does the period go inside the quote at the end of a sentence or outside? Screw it, I'm doing both...kinda looks like a ninja bunny anyway. ;)) (grrr...)
My mind, like a cow, draws in data, (or grass) processes it, draws from it what it needs or deems necessary, then ejects what remains.
Like Chris Evans, I dove on this grenade, accepted my fate, and moved onto my normal procedure of making a plan. I assumed that, like the government, I could just build one post a week and things would be fine. I chose Sunday.
Living in California, that leaves me plenty of time to re-chew my cud, (that's called a re-write I'm told) type it out and click "Publish". That would be a good outlet, and it's not gonna make Watson "screw the pooch".
Unfortunately, (for both of us) my mind eats like a pig.
So with the memory of my brothers cattle-prodding fresh in my mind, I decided that Sunday would be our day of regurgitation and Wednesday would be story time.
Therefore...we return to George and John...both are deaf and are sitting at at table awaiting the arrival of Richard...preparing to have a conversation that will change all of their lives...forever...
...except...
I kinda don't want to dip my toe back into their pool...this week. Don't get me wrong, I have already thought out the story and I know where we are going here, but Iiiiiimmmm...not in the mood. That's not true. I AM in the mood, just not in the mood to write about THEM.
The problem is that I've already figured out the story and (in my pig) I've moved on. So, clearly...it's already done...ok...it's not DONE done, but it's done...ok, It's just not something I can show you...right now.
I'll get around to it.
To complicate matters, George and John are clearly waiting on Richard to arrive and he's not answering his phone. I've sent a text, I've called his friends. I've even tweeted the guy. I have no idea where he's off to, but clearly he is not taking this a seriously as George, John, and the two of us are.
Don't worry about George and John as they are sitting down comfortably and I'm certain there is food and water in the room, I just haven't written that bit yet.
Perhaps after this tale has been caught by the dog, I'll plan this out better and we can be done with story time in a more "story-timely" manner.
Clearly, I should have kept my nose sharpened and continued with this when the unpaid talent was all accounted for...before this story escaped my (then) willing fingers and exited the south passage. (...that kinda changes what Han Solo was talking about.)
Alas, I'm new to this. My pig has been bellied up and drinking for a few weeks now, and it's making the bar stools loose.
I do apologize for the delay, but I'm sure we'll be back up to speed next Wednesday with George, John and someone that RESPECTS the work ethic of the people that are counting on them and is quite capable of knocking when there is knocking to be done!
...for now, I must retreat under the bed to see if Squirrel or Mace can act...
...that'll do pig...
@GlenEwing
GE
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Jiminy Cricket is a lying little...
You can find a lot of things on the internet. Some things are very easily found, some can be more difficult than getting Jimmy Stewart to pick a restaurant. I'm kidding of course, Mr. Stewart was a genius actor and "Harvey" is one of the best movies I've ever seen. However the visual of him jokingly stammering from the passenger seat is priceless. "What IS it Jimmy?!? Red Lobster?!? Red Robin?!? For god-sake WHAT are you hungry for?!?" (I can see the twinkle in his eye. ;)) (damn it!)
There are many interesting, invisible rabbit holes you can tumble down online. For example, I spent an entire Saturday confirming that cats can, indeed, learn to play piano. Clearly Keyboard Cat has taken lessons. He may have been the Einstein of cats for all I know, so I need more proof. I have noticed that my youngest cat, Mace, will let me play piano on his belly when music is playing. When I hit a wrong note though...he gets PISSED! He's actually worse that my previous piano teacher. She never drew blood.
I've also been looking for more information on what caused the rift between N.W.A.(W.N.) and Sting, Stewart and Andy. As well as video of Jane Curtin and Dan Aykroyd auditioning for "Tarzan". That's my point(counterpoint), you can find anything online. If it's not there, then you can make it...or make it happen.
Except a new season of "Firefly", apparently. They may not be able to take the sky from me, but they can take the cast, the ship, the writers and the show.
That was one of the points that my brother was making to me when he Tom Sawyer'd me into painting these fence posts. "Go WRITE!" he kept saying. It was like he was my subconscious GPS. Apparently making beans and toast isn't that big an accomplishment anymore.
They have been telling us this in movies and songs (and sometimes in songs IN movies) for years. However, for a long time there wasn't a way to get your creations out to people without becoming a part of the machine. Now the lock has broken off the candy store door! Literally anyone can go out and make a movie with the phone on which they play PokemonGo. Anyone can start spilling their thoughts onto a keyboard and publishing it online...obviously. ;)
Which brings me to that little F'ing cricket...his theory is bullshit. I've tried it...TWICE! Once when I was a kid and once again a few years ago. Please allow me to explain.
When I was a kid, I met Johnny Cash. Clearly Johnny Cash was a star. Some would say he was one of the biggest stars ever. At the time I met Mr. Cash, I really wanted a "Luke Skywalker AM Headset Radio". I remembered what "Captain Musical Wings" had sung to me so I stared at Mr. Cash and wished for the headset radio. I stared so intently that he began to look at me with the slightest trace of horror and drew back. Undeterred, I kept staring and wishing with everything I had in me. When Mr. Cash finally turned to leave I believe I heard him say "...think I need a drink..." or something.
I learned two important lessons that day. First, don't stare, it's not polite and apparently can be scary. Second, talking crickets don't know anything about achieving life goals.
Later in life I went to a benefit for the California State Parks at the Paramount lot for a showing of Return Of The Jedi followed by a Q&A with Mr. Mark Hamill. The event was awesome and when Mr. Hamill came out for the Q&A, it all came rushing back to me. The Luke Skywalker AM Headset Radio...the drinking problem I had instilled in Mr. Cash...the LIE sung to me by that lousy gryllidae (Thanks Google).
I HAD to try again. I must prove to myself that wishes can come true. I began to stare at Mr. Hamill...slowly at first...then gradually more intently. This time I would not be denied. I didn't really want the AM Headset Radio anymore, and if I did I'm sure I could find one on EBay, so instead...a Venti Coffee Frappuccino no whip. I REALLY wanted that Frap...so I wished for it. All the while my eyes were burning holes through Luke Skywalker like a lightsaber through an old smuggler.
I'm not really all that bitter at that monocled cricket. yes, my child hood hopes were hung on a coat rack of lies,..next to a tiny top hat and a tiny umbrella, but he did teach me a few things. Mainly if you want to pretend to be Luke Skywalker and listen to AM radio while drinking a Frappuccino, you have to work for it.
I guess that's what my brother's been saying all along.
...I'll be under the bed with my cats, my blankie, and some bug spray.
@GlenEwing
GE
There are many interesting, invisible rabbit holes you can tumble down online. For example, I spent an entire Saturday confirming that cats can, indeed, learn to play piano. Clearly Keyboard Cat has taken lessons. He may have been the Einstein of cats for all I know, so I need more proof. I have noticed that my youngest cat, Mace, will let me play piano on his belly when music is playing. When I hit a wrong note though...he gets PISSED! He's actually worse that my previous piano teacher. She never drew blood.
I've also been looking for more information on what caused the rift between N.W.A.(W.N.) and Sting, Stewart and Andy. As well as video of Jane Curtin and Dan Aykroyd auditioning for "Tarzan". That's my point(counterpoint), you can find anything online. If it's not there, then you can make it...or make it happen.
Except a new season of "Firefly", apparently. They may not be able to take the sky from me, but they can take the cast, the ship, the writers and the show.
That was one of the points that my brother was making to me when he Tom Sawyer'd me into painting these fence posts. "Go WRITE!" he kept saying. It was like he was my subconscious GPS. Apparently making beans and toast isn't that big an accomplishment anymore.
They have been telling us this in movies and songs (and sometimes in songs IN movies) for years. However, for a long time there wasn't a way to get your creations out to people without becoming a part of the machine. Now the lock has broken off the candy store door! Literally anyone can go out and make a movie with the phone on which they play PokemonGo. Anyone can start spilling their thoughts onto a keyboard and publishing it online...obviously. ;)
Which brings me to that little F'ing cricket...his theory is bullshit. I've tried it...TWICE! Once when I was a kid and once again a few years ago. Please allow me to explain.
When I was a kid, I met Johnny Cash. Clearly Johnny Cash was a star. Some would say he was one of the biggest stars ever. At the time I met Mr. Cash, I really wanted a "Luke Skywalker AM Headset Radio". I remembered what "Captain Musical Wings" had sung to me so I stared at Mr. Cash and wished for the headset radio. I stared so intently that he began to look at me with the slightest trace of horror and drew back. Undeterred, I kept staring and wishing with everything I had in me. When Mr. Cash finally turned to leave I believe I heard him say "...think I need a drink..." or something.
I learned two important lessons that day. First, don't stare, it's not polite and apparently can be scary. Second, talking crickets don't know anything about achieving life goals.
Later in life I went to a benefit for the California State Parks at the Paramount lot for a showing of Return Of The Jedi followed by a Q&A with Mr. Mark Hamill. The event was awesome and when Mr. Hamill came out for the Q&A, it all came rushing back to me. The Luke Skywalker AM Headset Radio...the drinking problem I had instilled in Mr. Cash...the LIE sung to me by that lousy gryllidae (Thanks Google).
I HAD to try again. I must prove to myself that wishes can come true. I began to stare at Mr. Hamill...slowly at first...then gradually more intently. This time I would not be denied. I didn't really want the AM Headset Radio anymore, and if I did I'm sure I could find one on EBay, so instead...a Venti Coffee Frappuccino no whip. I REALLY wanted that Frap...so I wished for it. All the while my eyes were burning holes through Luke Skywalker like a lightsaber through an old smuggler.
I'm not really all that bitter at that monocled cricket. yes, my child hood hopes were hung on a coat rack of lies,..next to a tiny top hat and a tiny umbrella, but he did teach me a few things. Mainly if you want to pretend to be Luke Skywalker and listen to AM radio while drinking a Frappuccino, you have to work for it.
I guess that's what my brother's been saying all along.
...I'll be under the bed with my cats, my blankie, and some bug spray.
@GlenEwing
GE
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
There Are Stories Hidden Within My Booty...
So my brother that's trying to kill me, was also pestering me about writing a story...any story. He's correct of course. (I was gonna say "right" there, but I didn't want there to be confusion) It used to feel right writing, but then it left. I'm not certain why or when my compass started spinning. Perhaps it's my magnetic personality. That may also explain all of those damaged tape fees I had to pay at Blockbuster Video.
Writing was always fun for me. It's something that I used to love doing. Somewhere within these walls is a chest full of things I've written over the years. Within that chest are some great adventures that I took within my mind...endless conversations, genius ideas that have,sadly, remained within my booty for years...
Writing was always fun for me. It's something that I used to love doing. Somewhere within these walls is a chest full of things I've written over the years. Within that chest are some great adventures that I took within my mind...endless conversations, genius ideas that have,sadly, remained within my booty for years...
So without further hesitation, I sat down and played a game of Madden. However I couldn't help noticing that Ernest Hemingway was staring at me and laughing.
Allow me to explain. A few years ago I went to Key West and visited The Hemingway Home while I was there. In the gift shop I picked up an image I've never seen of the man. It's a close-up of his face and he's laughing. If you go, you'll see it there. It's the only one like it I've seen. I've not seen it online, and I'm not going to post it, You need to do this quest and grab one for yourself. (and take a towel...just in case) Since my return from The Keys, this image has resided above my television to look down and laugh at me.
So, because of the Ernest taunting I'd received, I sat down to write some great American bullshit.
*knuckles crack*
"It was a dark and stormy night..."
Unfortunately, the last time I'd written was on paper. I would have to go buy a new laptop. The screen for the previous laptop was now crumpled up and on the floor. Two cats across the room stared at the crumpled screen shaking their butts.
- (porpoise) -
ok...new laptop. Here we go...
...nothing...
OMG, I've got procrastinating writers block...
I've no idea if I thought of this or it's something I've learned, but it's 100% true, ANY story can start from two people sting at a table having a conversation. (preferably NOT on a dark and stormy night) The tale may not even have those two within, it's just a jumping on point. Perhaps in a re-write, the author may choose to remove them and just get to the story they tell, but it can certainly start from two people at a table having a conversation.
So I have my start...two people sitting at a table.
- Side note here about myself. I've always had a compulsion that things needed to be even and fair. I remember as a child, if I touched my thumb with my finger then all of my other fingers had to touch my thumb or it wasn't fair. I'm relatively positive that this is why my math teachers always talked very slowly to me. Certainly there's an acronym for this compulsion, but I've no idea what it is and I'd clearly mess it up as I'd have to make sure there were an even number of letters on both sides of the acronym. -
Back to the yarn (It's very difficult spinning a yarn with two cats in the room)...two people sitting at a table...I need to be more inclusive with this for this modern era of readers. I should have one of the characters carry a challenge that others can relate to. Something that is common. Something that can cause difficulty, yet the people that deal with it move on and live full lives.
So there they sit. Two people at a table...I'll call them John and George...and George iiiiiiisssss...uhmmm...deaf?!? Yes! George is deaf! Perfect! Really going now...John and George are sitting at a table and George is deaf...
I want to come outta the gate with these two sitting on even ground. This will only be fair if both of them are deaf. That'll work out better. Neither one of them has an advantage. Even playing field. Here we go....
"It was a gloriously sunny day.
John sat at the table staring straight ahead at George's face. His long hair danced slightly as the ceiling fan across the room kept waking it from it's rest. There was so much that had gone unsaid and today was the day that the cards would find their place.
Within moments Richard was expected to arrive and the swordplay of accusations could commence. John's unflinching gaze continued as he opened his mouth to..."wait...that's not fair. If George is deaf, then John has an auditory advantage right from the start. He may have a hidden feeling of superiority that causes him to look down on George, and that's not the John I know.
I want to come outta the gate with these two sitting on even ground. This will only be fair if both of them are deaf. That'll work out better. Neither one of them has an advantage. Even playing field. Here we go....
Recap, we have George and John...both are deaf and are sitting at at table awaiting the arrival of Richard...preparing to have a conversation that will change all of their lives...forever...ok, back to it.
"Within moments Richard was expected to arrive and the swordplay of accusations and excuses could commence. There had always been a kinship between John and George. Over their years, the music of life had caused both their hearing to drop like a stone to silence. John's unflinching gaze continued as he raised his hands and said..."
...crap...
...I'll be under my bed with the cats watching sign language tutorials on YouTube.
GE
Sunday, August 14, 2016
Someone great once said...
"I've tried reading between the lines but all I usually see is paper." I'm kidding, I thought that quote up as an intro to this portion of the fence. Don't get me wrong, I'm not taking credit for it. I'm rather certain that someone has said that before...and probably received the same glare that your screen currently is.
I have noticed that, increasingly, folks will believe what they want. This is, sometimes, even after having been shown the science, math or the facts.
Just so there's no confusion, what I'm saying above is that my acknowledgement of this trend has increased, I'm not saying that folks are doing this more often then in the past. That said, I'm certain that explanation will undoubtedly be left out should anyone want to accuse me of attacking them, but I felt I needed to clarify.
Some of the easiest examples of this can be found in song lyrics...ok...old song lyrics. (...get off my lawn...) I doubt that anyone will ever be able to convince me that Ann Wilson wasn't a frustrated banker in the song "Alone". Clearly other folks have taken a different meaning, but this is where I've placed my flag...in sand...just in case. (heenahh heenahh) (inside joke) (the problem with putting my narration within parenthesis is that if I try and do the "winky face" at the end it looks like I have a double chin. ;))
Allow me give you another example. I can't tell you how many people have told me that "Every Breath You Take" by The Police is one of the most romantic songs they have ever heard. That its going to be the song they dance to at their wedding...etc. I'm not kidding...here's proof:
However as Sting has stated several times he wrote this while going through divorce with his first wife and...well I'll let him explain:
It's easy to see things through our own colored, cracked glasses and come to a conclusion without seeing all the facets. It's even easier to have someone tell you what your decision should be so that you feel that you don't have any responsibility should your wedding song turn out to, in fact, be about a stalker. (...remember that creepy server at the reception?)
We need to be able to see things from multiple angles to get a clearer perception of the effects they will have. We also need to be certain that we spell angle correctly because angel completely changes the meaning of the sentence. That kinda typo could draw us into a situation where the California baseball team began making our decisions. Alternately, in the biblical sense, lots a folks could begin begetting things and possibly each other.
The point I'm running in circles around and not getting to is that everyone has their own perspective and their own agenda. Their agenda will likely taint there perspective. (taint...lol) Therefore, we need to draw our decisions from multiple sources, IMO. Without the full picture, the puzzle will take much longer to build.
Clearly the person that named the "Chornaya River" in Crimea should have talked to a few other folks first. That could have become the number one place in the world to have an argument! Think of the tourist dollars!?! You could have had Justin Timberlake cut the ribbon!
In America, we have a very important decision to make coming up here shortly. There are several places where you can educate yourself on what is going on..what is fact....what is fiction. Here are a few of the podcasts I listen to weekly that you might find helpful:
KCRW's Left, Right & Center
NPR Politics Podcast
Meet The Press
Face The Nation
BBC News WTF America?!?
It's important to cut through the clamor and noise...the pomp and circumvention. We are dangerously close to launching another Kaiser Wilhelm II on the world. We can't afford to have a President that my cat can beat in chess. My cat would simply bat at his king, knocking it over and there's nothing to be done about it...well maybe you amendment folks could...but I don't know.
I'll leave you with another of my favorite Sting quotes from the song "DE DO DO DO, DE DA DA DA" from 1980's "Zenyatta Mondatta":
As my brother is fond of saying, "Pass your time with porpoise!"
...come to think of it, I don't know what that means. Is he saying that we should swim more? Is he a big Douglas Adams fan? (No that was dolphins) Is he saying we should be sleeping with the fishes?!?
...OMG...MY BROTHER WANTS ME DEAD!
Squirrel! Mace! Get the pizza and meet me under the bed!
@GlenEwing
GE
I have noticed that, increasingly, folks will believe what they want. This is, sometimes, even after having been shown the science, math or the facts.
Just so there's no confusion, what I'm saying above is that my acknowledgement of this trend has increased, I'm not saying that folks are doing this more often then in the past. That said, I'm certain that explanation will undoubtedly be left out should anyone want to accuse me of attacking them, but I felt I needed to clarify.
Some of the easiest examples of this can be found in song lyrics...ok...old song lyrics. (...get off my lawn...) I doubt that anyone will ever be able to convince me that Ann Wilson wasn't a frustrated banker in the song "Alone". Clearly other folks have taken a different meaning, but this is where I've placed my flag...in sand...just in case. (heenahh heenahh) (inside joke) (the problem with putting my narration within parenthesis is that if I try and do the "winky face" at the end it looks like I have a double chin. ;))
Allow me give you another example. I can't tell you how many people have told me that "Every Breath You Take" by The Police is one of the most romantic songs they have ever heard. That its going to be the song they dance to at their wedding...etc. I'm not kidding...here's proof:
However as Sting has stated several times he wrote this while going through divorce with his first wife and...well I'll let him explain:
It's easy to see things through our own colored, cracked glasses and come to a conclusion without seeing all the facets. It's even easier to have someone tell you what your decision should be so that you feel that you don't have any responsibility should your wedding song turn out to, in fact, be about a stalker. (...remember that creepy server at the reception?)
We need to be able to see things from multiple angles to get a clearer perception of the effects they will have. We also need to be certain that we spell angle correctly because angel completely changes the meaning of the sentence. That kinda typo could draw us into a situation where the California baseball team began making our decisions. Alternately, in the biblical sense, lots a folks could begin begetting things and possibly each other.
The point I'm running in circles around and not getting to is that everyone has their own perspective and their own agenda. Their agenda will likely taint there perspective. (taint...lol) Therefore, we need to draw our decisions from multiple sources, IMO. Without the full picture, the puzzle will take much longer to build.
Clearly the person that named the "Chornaya River" in Crimea should have talked to a few other folks first. That could have become the number one place in the world to have an argument! Think of the tourist dollars!?! You could have had Justin Timberlake cut the ribbon!
In America, we have a very important decision to make coming up here shortly. There are several places where you can educate yourself on what is going on..what is fact....what is fiction. Here are a few of the podcasts I listen to weekly that you might find helpful:
KCRW's Left, Right & Center
NPR Politics Podcast
Meet The Press
Face The Nation
BBC News WTF America?!?
It's important to cut through the clamor and noise...the pomp and circumvention. We are dangerously close to launching another Kaiser Wilhelm II on the world. We can't afford to have a President that my cat can beat in chess. My cat would simply bat at his king, knocking it over and there's nothing to be done about it...well maybe you amendment folks could...but I don't know.
I'll leave you with another of my favorite Sting quotes from the song "DE DO DO DO, DE DA DA DA" from 1980's "Zenyatta Mondatta":
Poets priests and politicians
Have words to thank for their positionsWords that scream for your submissionAnd no-one's jamming their transmission
As my brother is fond of saying, "Pass your time with porpoise!"
...come to think of it, I don't know what that means. Is he saying that we should swim more? Is he a big Douglas Adams fan? (No that was dolphins) Is he saying we should be sleeping with the fishes?!?
...OMG...MY BROTHER WANTS ME DEAD!
Squirrel! Mace! Get the pizza and meet me under the bed!
@GlenEwing
GE
Sunday, August 7, 2016
I've been hiding under my bed with my cats and some pizza...
I started hearing more an more about this Zika virus. I don't know much about it, but Metallica warned us it would "destroy" on "Kill 'Em All" back in 1983. Based upon their lyrics, they may have been on AOL, so I doubt anyone gave it much weight despite the bands mettle.
I began hearing reports that Zika had begun to show up in America in various people's ami. This caught me off guard as I don't know what an ami is. The one thing that did stand out was that the people telling me about the situation all tended to be reporters of various skill levels...some news reporters, some podcasters, even the BBC News podcast was covering this. So perhaps an ami is a perk given to the <smug mode> select few that are allowed to report the news </smug mode>.
I thought perhaps is was the French word for lover (I think that's correct, but my French teacher was attractive as well so I'm not sure.) However most of the people I'd heard reporting about it were American so that didn't hold water as we, collectively, can barely speak English.
I did what any confused and scared person would do, I went to WebMD to see what I could find out about an ami. I mean there's a lot of water that's passed under my bridge...perhaps they have changed the name of something in the body and no one told me. Nothing there...ok...so next best source...wikipedia. The best option was the listing for the American Mustache Institute. This makes sense...a virus in a mustache...the perfect crime! Imagine all those old-timey villains tying the damsel to the tracks and secretly spreading Zika with every mustache twist. Bastards!
I shaved.
I then called my doctor to be certain. Understand that my doc and I see each other about as often as Bruce Banner watches election debates. So when I got him on the phone, I blurted out that I wasn't sure if I had Zika and I couldn't figure out if I had an ami and if so where it was.
There was a brief silence. I could hear him shuffling papers.
After a sigh, he asked if I was taking any prescriptions that he wasn't aware of. I told him no. He then briefly explained that Zika was spread by an infected mosquito biting you. That it was a significant problem because pregnant people could pass it on to their fetus. He let me know that he was sure I was safe but I could go to the CDC for more reliable information if I needed. This calmed me down...a little.
Now I know there's never been any documented news that a male human/Wookiee has ever given birth despite the claims of a friend of mine returning from the bathroom. That said, I'm relatively certain that no one has ever done the science to see if malts, hops & pizza when combined, could in-fact create a living being. Based upon my gut, I'm in my second trimester. I'm hoping it's an Ewok.
I'm still at a loss on what an ami is, but I found out that Jimmy Buffett's got one and it's HUGE! He claims that "everybody's got a cousin" in his.
So cover your ass people...and your hands, arms, legs...screw it I'm buying a hazmat suit.
@GlenEwing
GE
I began hearing reports that Zika had begun to show up in America in various people's ami. This caught me off guard as I don't know what an ami is. The one thing that did stand out was that the people telling me about the situation all tended to be reporters of various skill levels...some news reporters, some podcasters, even the BBC News podcast was covering this. So perhaps an ami is a perk given to the <smug mode> select few that are allowed to report the news </smug mode>.
I thought perhaps is was the French word for lover (I think that's correct, but my French teacher was attractive as well so I'm not sure.) However most of the people I'd heard reporting about it were American so that didn't hold water as we, collectively, can barely speak English.
I did what any confused and scared person would do, I went to WebMD to see what I could find out about an ami. I mean there's a lot of water that's passed under my bridge...perhaps they have changed the name of something in the body and no one told me. Nothing there...ok...so next best source...wikipedia. The best option was the listing for the American Mustache Institute. This makes sense...a virus in a mustache...the perfect crime! Imagine all those old-timey villains tying the damsel to the tracks and secretly spreading Zika with every mustache twist. Bastards!
I shaved.
I then called my doctor to be certain. Understand that my doc and I see each other about as often as Bruce Banner watches election debates. So when I got him on the phone, I blurted out that I wasn't sure if I had Zika and I couldn't figure out if I had an ami and if so where it was.
There was a brief silence. I could hear him shuffling papers.
After a sigh, he asked if I was taking any prescriptions that he wasn't aware of. I told him no. He then briefly explained that Zika was spread by an infected mosquito biting you. That it was a significant problem because pregnant people could pass it on to their fetus. He let me know that he was sure I was safe but I could go to the CDC for more reliable information if I needed. This calmed me down...a little.
Now I know there's never been any documented news that a male human/Wookiee has ever given birth despite the claims of a friend of mine returning from the bathroom. That said, I'm relatively certain that no one has ever done the science to see if malts, hops & pizza when combined, could in-fact create a living being. Based upon my gut, I'm in my second trimester. I'm hoping it's an Ewok.
I'm still at a loss on what an ami is, but I found out that Jimmy Buffett's got one and it's HUGE! He claims that "everybody's got a cousin" in his.
So cover your ass people...and your hands, arms, legs...screw it I'm buying a hazmat suit.
@GlenEwing
GE
Saturday, July 30, 2016
I Don't Want To Do This...Here's Why
ok...So I just hung up the phone with my brother.
Somewhere within his genius, he's decided that I should be writing a blog and he spent the last 6 1/2 hours trying to convince me that I should...immediately.
Not only does this make me question how genius my brother is, but I start to worry about how well we actually know each other.
I'm not important. Let me clarify, I'm not important.
I tend to be reserved, observant and drunk. There are other traits, but those are the most noticeable I've been told. Apparently I'm less reserved the more I get antiquated with various bottles.
That said, while I do draw many strong opinions on issues and things, most are drawn with crayons...outside the lines and shouldn't be considered of value to the masses. What would be the point of contributing to the gluttony of media that's already out there except perhaps keeping the internet one step ahead of Watson's goal of reading everything. (I just made that up, I don't think that's Watson's goal, but that'd be a cool goal) It seems like a silly endeavor and I don't think it's something I need to put the world through at this or any time.
I also like to maintain a bit of privacy for myself and clearly this would open the virtual doors for any and all privacy to be taken out behind the barn...at an undisclosed location...near Google perhaps, but I'm not pointing any fingers.
I've maintained throughout my life, a massive fandom and knowledge of Star Wars as well as Marvel Comics and of course they would be something that would come into play should I ever decide that I actually wanted to blog. There would of course be other topics...like why Garth Brooks never mentions peanut butter dixie cups on fences. Part of that was a joke for my brother.
There are plenty of other resources out there for folks to gain insight into what is going on in those universes without me helping add to the clutter of people trying to over explain why Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda were in communication throughout their isolation between episode 3 and episode 4 which lead to Yoda sending Chewy over to pick up Ben on Tatooine and take him to Alderaan to return the stolen Death Star plans to Princess Leia's stepfather Bail Organa so that the Rebellion could begin a plan of attack against the massive weapon.
I also may write a lot of run-on sentences.
I don't have a strong memory of punctuation, grammar, spelling or other essential tools that one would need to use when writing a blog. This is mainly due to my high school English teacher having been attractive and most of her lessons were lost in the battle between my two brains.
Therefore, I have decided that my brothers grand scheme of flinging me into a creative world where I have fenced myself in with posts is not a good idea.
Putting it simply, I'm not making a blog.
...shit...
@GlenEwing
GE
Somewhere within his genius, he's decided that I should be writing a blog and he spent the last 6 1/2 hours trying to convince me that I should...immediately.
Not only does this make me question how genius my brother is, but I start to worry about how well we actually know each other.
I'm not important. Let me clarify, I'm not important.
I tend to be reserved, observant and drunk. There are other traits, but those are the most noticeable I've been told. Apparently I'm less reserved the more I get antiquated with various bottles.
That said, while I do draw many strong opinions on issues and things, most are drawn with crayons...outside the lines and shouldn't be considered of value to the masses. What would be the point of contributing to the gluttony of media that's already out there except perhaps keeping the internet one step ahead of Watson's goal of reading everything. (I just made that up, I don't think that's Watson's goal, but that'd be a cool goal) It seems like a silly endeavor and I don't think it's something I need to put the world through at this or any time.
I also like to maintain a bit of privacy for myself and clearly this would open the virtual doors for any and all privacy to be taken out behind the barn...at an undisclosed location...near Google perhaps, but I'm not pointing any fingers.
I've maintained throughout my life, a massive fandom and knowledge of Star Wars as well as Marvel Comics and of course they would be something that would come into play should I ever decide that I actually wanted to blog. There would of course be other topics...like why Garth Brooks never mentions peanut butter dixie cups on fences. Part of that was a joke for my brother.
There are plenty of other resources out there for folks to gain insight into what is going on in those universes without me helping add to the clutter of people trying to over explain why Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda were in communication throughout their isolation between episode 3 and episode 4 which lead to Yoda sending Chewy over to pick up Ben on Tatooine and take him to Alderaan to return the stolen Death Star plans to Princess Leia's stepfather Bail Organa so that the Rebellion could begin a plan of attack against the massive weapon.
I also may write a lot of run-on sentences.
I don't have a strong memory of punctuation, grammar, spelling or other essential tools that one would need to use when writing a blog. This is mainly due to my high school English teacher having been attractive and most of her lessons were lost in the battle between my two brains.
Therefore, I have decided that my brothers grand scheme of flinging me into a creative world where I have fenced myself in with posts is not a good idea.
Putting it simply, I'm not making a blog.
...shit...
GE
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